Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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