I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
