garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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