After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My pussy is not your playground.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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