Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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