I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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