He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
