My balls are so social today.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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