I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
