they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
