...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
