Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
