she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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