Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
