Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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