my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
