I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
