chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
