...so i touched it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
