i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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