Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
