I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
