I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
