i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
