yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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