I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
