Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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