I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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