I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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