You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
