i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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