my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
