Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
