Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
