I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
