____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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