Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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