I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
