my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
