I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize