one might say we're banned from that church
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
