weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
