I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
BRING THE BAGELS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
