just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
