No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
