I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
