i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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