Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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