The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize