I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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