Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
