Only a mothe r could love this liver
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
