remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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