I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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