i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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