So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
