I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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