i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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