u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
