lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
