im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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