walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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