happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
