two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize