Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them