JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw