had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard