That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
