at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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