It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
