Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
