i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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