Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
