just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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