Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
