if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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