Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
