Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
