Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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